Bert Kreischer (born November 3, 1972), nicknamed "The Machine", is an American stand-up comedian, podcaster, reality television host and actor.

In 1997, he was featured in an article in Rolling Stone while attending Florida State University. The magazine named Kreischer "the top partyer at the Number One Party School in the country." The article also served as inspiration for the 2002 film National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Kreischer has served as host of the television series Hurt Bert on FX as well as Bert the Conqueror and Trip Flip on Travel Channel. He is slated to appear in The Machine, a comedy film based on his life.